


Sort You Out

by spac3bar7end3r



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:00:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21584962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spac3bar7end3r/pseuds/spac3bar7end3r
Summary: “Do you think the sorting is a mistake? I don’t think I should be in Slytherin. I mean, I just like snakes. They are cool.”“Chill,” says Bee, “You say that just because you’re pining over that Ravenclaw boy.”
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	Sort You Out

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to participate in [#GOvember](https://twitter.com/GOonlyTH/status/1190253469464088576) by [Good Omens Only Event TH](https://twitter.com/GOonlyTH) because I can't resist a Hogwarts AU prompt lmao

**Year 1**

“Anthony Crowley.”

“Slytherin!”

  


**Year 7**

“Do you think the sorting is a mistake? I don’t think I should be in Slytherin. I mean, I just like snakes. They are cool.”

“Chill,” says Bee, “You say that just because you’re pining over that Ravenclaw boy.”

“Well, apart from that. Don’t you think I’m supposed to be a Ravenclaw? I’m clever, I like researching, I like reading--”

“You read and research to play pranks on other houses. That’s like the most Slytherin thing to do.” From the other side of their common room, Hastur spits while he’s petting his weird, gross, toad. Another weird, gross, toad is sitting next to him, laughing. Whoops, actually that’s Ligur. Crowley’s eyesight is not that good when he’s in the dungeon’s lighting.

“You didn’t deny that you’re pining though,” Ligur says.

“It’s true. There’s no need to deny it.” Crowley shrugs. “Have you look at him? He’s perfect. Last week I saw him trying to feed a fire crab. Who in their right mind would want to feed a fire crab? He’s incredible.” Crowley is pretty sure if it’s not because of his nerdy habits, Aziraphale can also be in Gryffindor. Is that a thing? Double Houses, like double major? Dunno, Aziraphale could totally do it.

“Too bad you have a mentality of a kindergarten and the only thing you can do is pulling your crush’s pigtail.” Bee rolls their eyes and got up on the couch, walking to the door.

“If you’re going to the kitchen bring some muffins to me, yeah?” Crowley says, eyes glueing to his transfiguration homework, an essay on transfiguration jinx.

“No, I’m not. Even if I am, I’m not going to bring them to you. I’m not a fucking owl.”

They bring muffins to Crowley anyway.

Bee is the best (if Aziraphale isn’t on the list). They were the first person to befriend Crowley when he first came to Hogwarts as a clueless muggle-born. Their full name is Beelzebub because their ancestor’s prophecy and stuff (Crowley doesn’t really care), but they would totally hex you if you call them that.

Bee returns with Crowley’s muffins and immediately goes out of their common room again. Crowley assumes they were going to see Gabe, the Gryffindor Head Boy that they’ve been having an on/off relationship for years.

Hastur and Ligur have been plotting something at the corner of the room. Crowley ignores them. Their pranks are tasteless, unlike his.

Crowley looks around the room then looks at his watch. Oh! It’s time already. He picks the muffins next to him and goes out of the room.

Two O’clock on Thursday afternoon is his favourite time of the week. It’s Teasing-and-Flirting-with-Aziraphale-at-The-Library time.

“Hello, Aziraphale,” Crowley grins, throwing himself on the chair in front of Aziraphale. Aziraphale looks up. His bright blue eyes stare at Crowley. The Ravenclaw sighs, “What, Crowley?”

“Nothing. I just thought that I should visit you as usual.” Crowley reaches for one of the books in Aziraphale’s piles of huge and dusty books. “Transfiguration? I already finished it. Wanna see mine?”

“No!” Aziraphale pouts. He tries to get back to his essay for a minute before he glances up and looks really offended. “Crowley! Are you eating in the library?”

Crowley, mouth fulled with muffins, has the audacity to raise his eyebrows and say, “Yes?”

“Stop it right now. I’m a prefect. I can deduct your points.”

“Like I care about points.” Crowley swallows. Aziraphale frowned, homework forgotten.

“I’ve got more. Want one?” Crowley out all of the muffins on the table.

“Crowley, stop. Or Madame Pince will--Crow-” Aziraphale can’t finish his sentence because he keeps gaping at Crowley stuffing another muffin in his mouth.

“Hmm blueberry, yum!”

“Oh my god, stop tempting me. You know I love muffins.” Aziraphale sighs exasperatedly and looks longingly at Crowley’s lips. 

“Wha- What did I do?” Crowley smirks.

“Just you wait. I’m gonna sort you out.” Aziraphale puts his hands resting on his hips and looks at Crowley like he’s had enough.

Yes, sort him out _with love_ , please.

“As if you’re able to do that.” Crowley sticks out his tongue. He looks at the watch and sighs. “Time flies fast. I wish I could stay here and do a mukbang with you more but I have to go to practise.” Crowley points to the field outside the window.

“What even is a _mukbang_?” Aziraphale complains.

“Geez, just google it, Azi.” Crowley puts the rest of the muffins on the table. “Enjoy your snack and if you’re done, come see me practising at the field.”

“If I’m free.” Aziraphale hums, hands reaching for the muffin bag on the table and putting it in his bag (he’s a responsible student. He’s not gonna immediately eat it. He have special self-control).

Aziraphale is not free, but 30 minutes later he can still be spotted at the stands.

\- - -

“Crowley, please do something about your friends!”

“Who?” Crowley is busy trying to figure out what’s wrong with his cauldron when Pulsifer entering the room, panting.

“Hastur and Ligur, they are cornering Aziraphale!”

Cauldron be damned. He lets go of the herbs and following Pulsifer as soon as possible.

“Aziraphale!”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale is holding his wand, looking around while Hastur and Ligur are standing around him.

“Guys, what are you doing? Let him go.”

“Crowley! Let’s play with him for a bit.” Ligur shouts loudly.

Crowley comes between them. He reaches for his wand and prepares to cast a spell to protect Aziraphale.

However, Aziraphale needs no protection. He’s one of the best students in Hogwarts. Two classmates, who are not that good at casting spells? Aziraphale can manage them effortlessly.

“ _Ducklifors_!”

There’s a light at the end of Aziraphale’s wand. He gesturing it towards Hastur and Ligur. Before Crowley knows it, those two’s shape slowly transforming into...ducks.

“Oh my fucking god, did you cast a transfiguration jinx on them!?”

It seems like Aziraphale obviously doesn’t need Crowley’s help on his transfiguration jinx essay.

“Even though they are your friends, they are too much.”

“I don’t care about them. I love you!”

Aziraphale stops what he’s going to say and looks at Crowley pointedly. Crowley swallows. Whoops. Didn’t mean to confess his love easily to his crush of four years. He plans to go big. Fireworks, plants, flowers, absolutely not an excited shout because of fucking ducks. And he’s a bit mad that it has something to do with Hastur and Ligur.

“Is that just a spur of the moment kinda thing?” Aziraphale asks, “Or you plan...this?” He gestures at the stupid ducks.

“No, I didn’t plan this! I was going to tell you, but not like this!”

“If it’s not from your flirting since we were in fourth year I’d think you try to bully me too.” Aziraphale grins. “I was waiting for you to say something but you keep teasing me.”

“My bad.” Crowley can’t stop smiling. “Soooo….Boyfriends?”

“Boyfriends.” Aziraphale nods.

“Guys, the professor is coming! Run!” Anathema who’s standing at the corner not far from them shouts and Aziraphale frantically turns to Crowley, “Let’s go. A prefect jinxing someone is not an ideal situation.”

“Ducks.” Crowley shakes his head, looking at his housemates. He grabs Aziraphale’s hand and runs away.

**Author's Note:**

> TIL that there really is a Ducklifors Jinx in Harry Potter world. That's it. Crowley would totally love that.


End file.
